I hate the fact that there are so may if's and whens with this move I hate even more that I am putting my kids through all this transitioning. The baby is ok, but I worry about my older daughter. She has been through so much in her short life, and more, her biological dad (bio) who had been locked up for a year just recently got out of jail and after not seeing her for more than a year is making a half assed attempt to be in her life. A closer relationship between them was part of the reason why we moved back.
When he and I broke up when she was a baby, I think that he resented me and took that out on her. Then when I met my husband and he embraced her as his own, her bio started vieing (sp?) for more of her time, but unfortunately he doesn't know how to be a father and what to do with a child outside of taking her to Chuck E Cheese and the mall. And his mother doesn't like me, so I think she takes that out on her, she claims that there is a language barrier (i'm black and they are spanish, I don't think that she likes me because I am black) but she speaks enough english to carry on a simple conversation and I understand enough spanish to do the same. So she never calls my daughter so there is no communication from her unless its through her bio. They are missing out on how much of an amazing kid she is and i think that she is a poor excuse for a grandmother. My husbands mother on the other hand has been amazing to her. She tells people that no matter how many grandchildren she has my daughter will always be her favorite. It makes me proud to know that someone feels that way about my child.
Her bio is such a loser, when I spoke to him yesterday he was complaining that it was so hard for him to find a job, well asshole you got locked up for doing something stupid so guess whose fault it was? One thing I can say is that he has the utmost respect for my husband, as he should, because he has been there for my daughter since she was a year old. When she talks about her daddy, he is who she is talking about. He wishes that he could adopt her, but we both know that her father wouldn't allow it. I would never keep her from him if we did go through with the adoption, because I think that she has every right to know who her real father is. But my husband is who takes care of her and is there for her and I know that it the way its going to be for the rest of her life.
I try to remain neutral in front of her because I don't want her to resent me for bad-mouthing her bio all her life on the flip side I won't make any excuses for him either. Right now she doesn't question why he doesn't come to visit her or why he only call once in a while or where he was for a year, but one day she will and he will have a lot of explaining to do to her. As much as I want to save her from being hurt by him I know that I can't, thats why I wish that if he won't step up and be the father she needs he won't stand in the way and let my husband be the father to her that he can't be.
That's why I don't understand how fathers can just not be in their kids lives, they are an extension and a reflection of us, how could you not want to be there and if you are there how could now be an active parent. Like my dad, he was around, but it always seemed like he was too busy for me. I think some of that stems for the lack of a father figure in his childhood, but somewhere the cycle needs to end and I am glad that I am working on ending it with me.
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